Absolution
by Katia-chan
Summary: Forgive me father, for I have sinned, I am damned and plead for grace and absolution. Slightly dark, Xmas fic of sorts.


Absolution

By Katia-chan

A/N: I have no idea exactly where this came from…apparently Ryou in a church is a common thing, but I've only seen one and decided I wanted to play with it a bit. Take this as a Christmas fic if you will, I hope to write something more fluffy eventually.

Merry Christmas!

Enjoy!

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It was a quarter past 11 and Ryou stood in his living room, breathing slowly and trying to collect himself. The night was cold and he wasn't sure if he wanted to go out, to feel the ice biting into his skin. The spirit in his head was dormant for now, resting, giving Ryou a break from the constant litany of laughter and mockery that had been that entire day. Christmas was a horrible time, which made him so sad, because he used to love it. Now it was just a day to get through, a day to survive and come out of in one piece.

The watch he wore beeped for 11:30 and he sighed, picking up the envelope and heading out the door without b backwards glance. The night was bitter, the wind raking at his hands and face as he ducked his head and hurried for the small church near the cemetery where his sister was buried. It was only a few blocks away, but in the intense cold it felt to him like an eternity and a half before he reached the shelter of the building. He hurried inside, rubbing his hands together to return feeling to them and then glanced around. The service had ended hours ago and there was no one here. Perfect, that was the way he liked it. He walked into the inner sanctuary and up to the altar, taking a seat in the front pew.

/So rash Yadonushi, the damned sitting in the house of the gods./ He flinched, his stomach knotting. He would never have come if he'd thought the spirit would awaken while he was out.

/Please just leave me alone, just for a while. . ./ the ancient gave a contemptuous scornful laugh in his head, but subsided for the moment. Ryou sighed in relief, he was spared for the time being. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out the envelope and went to the altar, kneeling before it.

"Hi Amane-chan," he whispered. His voice floated softly around him, filling the silent church with feathery bits of sound. "It's Christmas, I'm back again," he took a deep shuddering breath. "I wish you were still here. . . this is so lonely without you, and I'm. I'm scared." The laughter started in his head, and it was dark and deep and he knew he was going to drown, knew he wouldn't come out. "I'm so scared Amane-chan. I can't. I can't do this anymore. I won't. I wouldn't ever do this by choice. I'm terrified, I need you so much. . ."

/Pleading doesn't suit you Yadonushi/ as the laughter grew louder his breath quickened. Tears began to slide down his face, and he dropped his head, sobs tearing at his chest.

"Help me Imouto," he sobbed. "I didn't do anything to deserve this, I didn't!"

/Oh, you did plenty Yadonushi, you harbor the damned soul of a blasphemer from the gods, you have the blood of innocents on your hands./

"I didn't do that!" he cried aloud, dropping to his hands and knees. "I didn't mean to Amane-chan! I can't. . .!" He threw his head back, the laughter ringing around him now like the darkest funeral dirge. "Why don't you help me!" he screamed, and he was no longer screaming at his little sister. His shrieks reverberated off the stained glass windows, off the columns and off the altar.

"I did nothing! Help me damn you!" He flung himself to his feet, staring blindly at the crucifix on the wall. "Absolve me if you can! Why don't you try!"

/Yes, beg for forgiveness, try to save yourself./

"You left me here! Even the damned deserve mercy!"

/You need to work for mercy Yadonushi, and you ailed in that./

He screamed then, and it was an animalistic sound. It ripped from his throat, the sheer misery of it would shatter glass. He poured his soul into that cry, screaming and screaming until his voice broke, until he broke and shattered into a thousand little pieces.

"Grant me absolution!"

His answer was silence as deep and cold as the grave, and for that, he wept.


End file.
